Welcome to the About Us page for Discount Designer Sunglasses.

May I be the first to say how pleased we are that you have taken the time to come and learn ‘About Us’.

First I shall talk to you about how the idea for selling sunglasses at a discounted price came to us. Are you sitting comfortably? Then I shall begin….

Discount Designer Sunglasses was first conceived by Ian Bradley in Her Majesty’s year 1874 while stalking a fearsome tiger in the jungles of Bengal. After a ten hour hunt, tracking the tiger through a forest full of impenetrable undergrowth, swarming mosquitoes and blood hungry leeches Bradley finally had the beast in the sights of his rifle. As the intrepid hunter prepared to squeeze the trigger and make the kill, a shaft of sunlight arrowed through the leafy canopy directly into his unblinking eye, making him temporarily blind. In that moment the tiger caught the scent of man and with a disdainful roar leapt into the surrounding undergrowth and out of range of Bradley’s deadly weapon. The beast was lost and in that moment the crestfallen Bradley believed his reputation as the most deadly hunter in all of India was also gone.

As he trekked back to his camp on the edge of the forest Bradley considered how things could have been different. ‘If only my eyes could have some protection from the glaring mid-day sun, it was this that cost me the kill of a lifetime. The peak of my hunter’s hat offers me some protection but in such a moment when an assured and steady posture must be guaranteed, a hunter such as myself requires more.’

Bradley continued to consider this question for the following one hundred and thirty seven years when suddenly as he sat reading a ancient tome in his dusty study, a shockwave of inspiration came upon him.

‘Sunglasses!!!’ he exclaimed out loud ‘I should have worn sunglasses.’

Levering himself from his cracked, leather armchair Bradley leapt to his feet upsetting a low tumbler of brandy and waking the cat that had previously been slumbering peacefully on his lap. As the startled cat skittered from the room, Bradley started to pace the study, stepping here and there, absently fingering random objects his mind filled with only the brilliance of his idea and how it could revolutionise not only his life, but also the life of any other person who had once been a bit blinded by some kind of bright light or something.

It struck him. Oh how it struck him. As bright and disorientating as the arc of light that had blinded him in the jungle all those years ago, the idea of an emporium that sold sunglasses of all conceivable shapes and sizes. Not just aimed at hunters from the Victorian period such as himself, but all sorts of stereotypical people from the Victorian era and beyond, the emporium would sell sunglasses to suit any person from any walk of life. From chimney sweeps to Queen Victoria there would be a pair of sunglasses to suit any person with any sized budget.

Night after night and during the day sometimes as well Bradley encamped himself in his study drafting plans for the business that would rule them all. Day after day all he could think about was until one day, it was ready. A life’s work achieved in but a few short months.

Bradley stood in the silent office, craned over his work desk. His breath was shallow but steady, his eyes hooded after too many nights deprived of sleep. He stayed at the final blueprint which lay atop a mass of other papers all crisscrossed with hectic scribbles, notes, random ideas and smudged diagrams. He read the words, in his head at first but then out loud. At first his voice came out but a croaking whisper, quiet but loud in the silence of the midnight office. But as the words revolved in his mouth they gradually gained substance and momentum, gradually becoming louder and louder until finally he roared with a voice as rich and booming as thunder between mountains……

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He continued to roar the words, the noise echoing around his study and escaping into the still, damp night where it crept into the dreams of sleeping people.

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Again and again he let loose, the sound more akin to that made by a wounded tiger than a gentle pioneer

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Finally, he was spent. He had been bellowing for going on three hours and his throat felt stripped raw, his voice now nothing but an uneven croak but as he collapsed into his chair he spoke them one more time. Drawing the words out and listening with closed eyes as they disappeared into the night….

Discount

Designer

Sunglasses

He slept for the first time in weeks but it was a fitful sleep consumed with dreams rich in cheap Oakleys, discount Diors and very reasonably priced Quicksilver. When he woke early the following morning, heavy of eye but light of heart he knew that his life would never be the same again and the hunter in him acknowledged this with a steady hand, a furrowed brow and a steely but not sun affected glare.

As a result you can get like well cheap sunglasses innit.

Discount Designer Sunglasses Blog

Discount designer sunglasses guide to being a surfer
Everyone knows how cool a good surfer is. With their muscular torsos, sun bleached hair and tanned skin they are the modern day Adonises and Aphrodites of our coastline, strutting around in nothing more than a layer of rubber that emphasises every sturdy lump and bump of their physique, they make other more wobbly and idle beach goers feel more than a bit inadequate.

It is therefore understandable that many people wish to emulate these wild, salty creatures but rarely have the opportunity. If you live in Wolverhampton, are scared of seaweed and have a similar figure to Russell Grant chances are your not likely to be found squeezed into a wet suit attempting to tame the epic power of nature. No, you are probably more likely to be squeezed into a chair attempting to get to the next level of World of Warcraft. Not very cool. But all is not lost. If you want to have the kudos and respect of a top surfer but don’t fancy putting yourself in close proximity to sharks, eels, octopuses and other odd, bitey creatures. If you want to have that super cool devil may care attitude but don’t want to spend 45 minutes inserting yourself into a skin tight rubber tube only to be pointed at by children. Or if you just want an excuse to wee yourself in public, then the Discount Designer Sunglasses guide to being a surfer is for you.

Step 1 – Always carry a surfboard around with you.

Having a surfboard tucked under your arm will demonstrate to people that you have just been or intend to go surfing. Even if you are just on your way to the corner shop for a pint of milk and a loaf of bread it is worth taking your surfboard with you. If you don’t own a surfboard and frankly never intend to buy or use one, consider carrying an ironing board around with you instead. From a distance people could well mistake it for a surf board and at least you’ll get some us out of it the rest of the time.

Step 2 – Stare out at water

When not surfing all surfers like to stand and stare out at the ocean, deciding if the swell if of a sufficient standard for them to suddenly dash across the beach and dive head long into the sewage ridden broth. It is your job to emulate this activity whenever you come across a body of water. This can be the local canal, a puddle or full bath and once spotted you must stand facing it with your chest puffed out, legs slightly apart and arms folded. In addition to this your face must take on a slightly hardened edge with narrowed, flinty eyes and a furrowed brow. To truly recreate the would be surfer make comments such as “Looks like ground swells” or “I’ve wiped out on the reef break here before, it was gnarly” or “Surfing, surfing USA”

Step 3 – Listen to Jack Johnson

Jack Johnson is a surfer. We know this because every video he has ever done shows him pratting about with his pretend mates on surfboards. It’s strange how few other music videos show the performer taking part in their favourite hobby, Rhianna playing chess for instance, Eminem on a bike ride or Timbaland going fishing but that is the power of surfing. It is considered a cool activity and as such is acceptable to emphasise the musician’s affinity with it. To emphasise your affinity with surfing you should play Jack Johnson out loud on your phone, people will get the idea and think you are a cool ass surfer type, even if you’re just on the bus.

Step 4 – Say silly words

Say words like “Gnarly”, “Dude”, “Bogus” and “Brah”. Ideally use them together in a sentence like “That gnarly dude was bogus brah”. There is quite a lot of surfer lingo to learn but if you can’t be bothered make your own words up .......frude, I just made that up but please feel free to use it yourself.

Step 5 – Get tanned

Whether this is via the traditional method of burning yourself to a crisp in the sun or having a spray tan, the prospective surfer must always have a tropical tan on everypart or their anatomy except the arse and front arse area. These bits must remain paler than Pete Doherty.

Step 6 – Wear massive sunglasses

As with our previous guide (Being a Rockstar) and to be fair all our future guides, we believe the most important part of being a surfer is the clothing. Baggy jeans, board shorts and flip flops are a must and giant sunglasses are essential. Discount Designer Sunglasses have a wide range of sunglasses created by surf inspired companies such as Von Zipper, Oakley, Quiksilver, Roxy, Electric and O’Neil. Luckily we only sell designer sunglasses cheap so you don’t need to worry if you’ve spent the most of your money on fake tan, Jack Johnson CDs and an ironing board.

A - Z of Celebrity Sunglasses - Part 2: B for Bono
The weird thing about Bono is that despite being a humanist who dedicates much of his time to promoting charities and bringing global injustices to the attention of the wider world, most people think he’s a tube. Strange really because the same is rarely said about the Archbishop Desmond Tutu, Nelson Mandela or any other dedicated charity activist (except perhaps Sean Penn). What is it about Bono that people seem to find slightly repellent? Is it that he always appears to be excessively smug, is it because he still thinks leather trousers are an acceptable fashion choice or perhaps is it that he seems to have a pair of sunglasses surgically fused to his mug?

Now as a sunglasses sales website we’re not likely to argue with his logic, we believe that everybody should wear sunglasses all the time (see our blog post on being a rock star), preferably keeping a spare pair in your pocket or handbag just to keep style options open. Bono himself opts for a variety of Armani frames including some specially designed Armani’s that have red lenses and were launched as part of the Product Red campaign to highlight AID, malaria and TB in Africa. So if you need an excuse to wear sunglasses 24/7 then it might as well be for charity rather than just to cover up your rapidly expanding crows feet (a commonly occuring theme among public figures of a certain age, see our previous A-Z of celebrity sunglasses - Arnie). Anyway, sticking to a tried and trusted style isn’t something that is exclusive to Bono though. His band mate The Edge has worn the same woolly hat and played the same monotonous guitar riffs for years now.

So let’s all agree that it’s the leather trousers and smugness and definitely not the continuous sunglasses wearing. That said I imagine if I was writing for a leather trousers or smugness website then it would be the glasses but until then it’s not. Got it? Good. Oh yeah and if you want to buy some cheap designer sunglasses to go with your leather trousers and smug face try DiscountDesignerSunglasses.co.uk. If you’re after leather trousers sorry I can’t recommend any websites. Probably just Google it but be careful. Peace out.

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